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A New Prototype

Posted By Ian Altenbaugh On Mar 27 2009 @ 2:15 am In Pittsburgh Penguins | 3 Comments

You may or may not have noticed but I have been tinkering with the format of ‘Around the Atlantic’ these last few weeks. This post shall be no different.

Today we talk about hockey, a show I saw, and why I think the Waterworks Mall is awesome and bad at the same time. Not in that order either. Enjoy.



You may or may not have noticed but I have been tinkering with the format of ‘Around the Atlantic’ these last few weeks. This post shall be no different.

Today we talk about hockey, a show I saw, and why I think the Waterworks Mall is awesome and bad at the same time. Not in that order either. Enjoy.

Game of the Week: The Calgary Flames at the Pittsburgh Penguins

- Two marquee teams matched up in the Mellon Arena Wednesday night. The game opened with physical and up-tempo play, the way both the Flames and the Penguins need to play in order to succeed.

- Going into the game the Penguins have had difficulties staying out of the penalty box. The Flames on the other hand have had difficulty keeping the puck out of their own net, allowing over forty goals in their last 12 games.

- The Flames play a very physical brand of hockey. Unlike many teams, the Penguins respond very well as a team to physical play. Especially now that Bill Guerin and Chris Kunitz have infused the roster with gritty, physical play. Sidney Crosby and Evgeni Malkin both respond well to physical play, upping their own physical play in the process. Having said all of that, the Flames should be one of the most feared matchups come playoff time.

- The Penguins, aside from penalties have played a perfect brand of hockey. They have played physical, cycled the puck well, and have put the puck on net with vigor.

- For all of the strong skating, two-way talent the Flames have up front and despite having strong defensive defensemen such as Sarich and Aucoin, the Flames allow far too many odd-man rushes. Miikka Kiprusoff is vastly overworked. He is among the league leader in dubious goaltending categories such as Shots Against, Starts, and Goals Against. The Flames are so reliant upon Kiprusoff that they have literally not won this season without him.

Awesome/Bad: In this section I will regularly review something and examine the things that make whatever it is I am reviewing awesome or bad.

The Waterworks Mall:

Awesome: Movie Theatre.

Bad: Outdoor Mall

Awesome: Five Dollar Mondays and a Free Small Popcorn

Bad: The ticket person occasionally rings me up for the wrong movie. Last week, by no desire of my own, I gave Nick Cage more money when I wanted to give some to Paul Rudd. Cage’s hair bothers me. Compared to a few years back, it looks like a sloth, slowly slithering from his forehead, past the crown, and down the back of his neck.

Awesome: The Chinese Lunch buffet on Monday before the movie and free popcorn.

Bad: The gas during the movie but mostly Tuesday morning. 

Awesome: Five Guys Burgers and Fries fresh cut Cajun fries and a burger with over sixteen toppings – all to top off an already gastronomically wild day. 

Bad: Tuesday afternoon.

Awesome: Watching a movie alone.

Bad: People’s reaction when they heard you went to go see a movie alone.

Awesome: How easy it is to buy candy at the Giant Eagle and sneak it into the movie theatre.

Bad: How the insulin shock makes you forget important parts of the story.


Review: “Eastbound and Down”

The most recent comedic tragedy, or ‘dramedy’ for those who are a fan of word blending, to populate conversations is a Danny McBride series on HBO called “Eastbound and Down”.

McBride plays Kenny Powers, a washed up former MLB pitcher who after years of cocain use is broke and forced to move into his older brother’s house. Back in his hometown, Powers meets up with his old high-school girlfriend, his old high-school drug dealer, and many people who remember him despite Powers not having any memory of them. As he puts it, “Sometimes you have to push out the small memories to make room for the bigger ones.”

Powers also takes up a job as a substitute gym teacher as the real teacher recovers from back surgery. After the gym teacher overdoses on pain medication and dies, Powers becomes the full-time physical education teacher. A music teacher at the middle school where Kenny works at named Stevie introduces himself to Kenny on multiple occasions and it is clear that Stevie has an obsession with Kenny that is unhealthy. Nonetheless, after throwing up off of ecstasy at the middle school’s student dance, Kenny realizes that he needs an assistant to take care of his day-to-day stuff. As Kenny’s assistant, Stevie works on acquiring steroids for Kenny (to jump start his workouts), switches seats whenever Kenny wrecks his car drunk driving (Kenny has priors), and tries to break the arm of a talented high school pitching prospect (Kenny’s competition).

While Kenny and Stevie work on a return to the majors, Kenny manages to reignite an old high school flame and infuriate a principal who also has an unhealthy obsession with Kenny. Not to mention alienate everyone who gets in his way.

David Gordon Green (Pineapple Express, Snow Angels), Adam McKay (Anchorman, Step Brothers), and Jody Hill (Observe and Report) are responsible for writing and directing the show while Will Ferrell and Danny McBride appear to have spearheaded the project.

Without further ado, here are some of Kenny Powers quotes:

On justifying why he broke his brother’s bird bath, “You know that's how the plague started. Back in the day. From a little disgusting bird bath in someones back yard that rats made sex to birds in it and created a whole new type of aids” 

On why he is difficult to like, “It is not my fault I was blessed with the arm of a rocket, a **** like a python, and the mind of a scientist.”

 Will Ferrell’s Ashley Schaeffer on Kenny Powers participating in a strikeout contest at his Schaeffer BMW,  “I had a dream about this moment. When I was making love to my wife Donna. On top of her. Powerful thrusts filling the sultry night air. Heavy breath. My son Gabriel walked in, little boy. My wife sprung out of bed and said “No, Gabriel! Leave!” And I said “No, honey, shut your mouth, let him watch.” Let him watch what is being consecrated here. And I want the people to watch what is going to be consecrated here. And I will bring my son down here, and he will watch.”

Kenny to his sister-in-law winning an argument, as: “Don’t look at me with those hollow eyes you church b****. I instantly regret saying that! That was a horrible thing to say! But I can’t stop yelling cause that means I lost the fight! So just leave the key under the door, I love y’all, Peace out!

On playing baseball, “I play real sports! I aint trying to be the best at exercising!”


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