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Bet The Mortgage

Posted By Sean Neumann On Sep 9 2009 @ 11:45 am In Minnesota Vikings | No Comments


The oddsmaker at Caesar's must have made this line after a three-day coke binge. There's no other way to explain how the Vikings ended up only a four-point favorite against possibly the worst team in the NFL. The Browns have not even named their starting quarterback and Jamal Lewis is closer to collecting Social Security and qualifying for Medicare than he is to squeezing 1,000 yards out of those weary legs. Their best playmaker, Kellen Winslow, was traded to Tampa for the equivalent of a bag of old footballs and, oh, did I mention that their best receiver, Dante Stallworth, is serving a year-long suspension without pay because Roger Goodell is shocked, absolutely shocked and dismayed, that football players do stupid things and that he must crack down on the horrible behavior and irresponsibility of these wide-eyed lads/”role models”? My goodness, to be the beat writer for that God-forsaken team. 

Considering that Minnesota boasts a defense capable of demolishing any one of the top teams in the league with or without the Williams Wall (Let's hear it for no suspensions this week!) and has the best running back in football, all Brett Favre has to do is remain upright and take his pick of wide open receivers because Cleveland couldn't cover Jerry Rice at age 50, much less the speedsters the Vikings will be deploying. I know, I know, the game will be outdoors, on the grass, on the road, and Favre is still building a rapport with his receivers. But let's be real, If you were on the Vikings would you feel worried about anything except making sure that you have a big enough lead by the end of the third quarter so Adrian Peterson can watch the rest of the game in a t-shirt?

But to be fair, let's see if we can find something Cleveland does well, shall we? They are fantastic at creating a quarterback controversy revolving around a flash in the pan and a guy who has taken less snaps than Akili Smith. They have done wonders for Denver's defense by shipping all their high-end draft busts to the Rockies and helped get Mike Shanahan fired bringing about the live-action comedy that is Josh McDaniels. Those things are fantastic and awesome and hilarious, but when it comes to winning football games, this franchise has been pure horse manure ever since they were reincarnated and this is not the year they turn it around.

Put me down for the Vikings winning 30-10 with Brady Quinn's perfectly sculpted biceps glistening on the sidelines earning him every penny he got from those awful Myoplex ads.

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