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Tase Of Our Lives

Posted By Bryan Sargent On May 5 2010 @ 8:10 am In Philadelphia Phillies | 1 Comment

As everyone knows by now, a 17-year old Philadelphia Phillies fan ran on to the field at Citizens Bank Park on Monday during the first game of a four-game series against the St. Louis Cardinals. What made this incident notable was the fact that the police officer used a Taser gun to bring down the field-crasher [1]. The standard method to subdue these folks is the “rundown-ok-I’ve-made-my-point-I’ll-stop-now-tackle”. This kid clearly wanted this moment to last as long as possible.

Since this happened there has been a TON of debate on whether or not Tasering this stupid kid was the correct way to handle this situation. I can see both sides, but ever since the random, vicious 2002 attack of Kansas City Royals first base coach Tom Gamboa, who knows what the intentions of a field-crasher are now?

Last night, another man ran on to the field during the Phillies-Cardinals game in the top of the ninth inning, this time without any incident (although, I would claim this guy definitely should have been Tasered afterwards in a dark back room for disrupting Cole Hamels’ amazing pitching performance and almost ruining the game).

I have one very easy solution that I think all teams should employ. In the case of the Phillies, the next time someone jumps on the field, have someone on the bench hand Ryan Howard a baseball bat. Howard should then proceed to run after the perpetrator at full speed, waving the bat and screaming at the top of his lungs, “I’M GOING TO KILL YOU!!!”. The person would drop to the ground faster than you can say “snowballs” or “Santa Claus”, lay on their stomach and interlace their fingers on the back of their head without any prompting from the police. There would be no possible injuries from Tasering or tackling, just the nightmare that would haunt this person for the rest of their lives of Ryan Howard chasing after them with a Louisville Slugger. It’s shocking, it’s scary, it’s brilliant.

Thank you,

Bryan Sargent, Head of MLB Security


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[1] the police officer used a Taser gun to bring down the field-crasher: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6_NhwoRKpi4

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