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2011 SF Giants FanFest: A Real Turkey

Posted By Joseph Davis On Feb 6 2011 @ 1:46 am In San Francisco Giants | No Comments

Today Joe went to the 18th annual KNBR/San Francisco Giants FanFest at AT&T Park. He went with hope, and anticipation, and specific goals in mind.

Unfortunately, Joe came away with absolutely nothing except a crispy nape.

“What do you mean, Joe?”

Joe was determined to get his long-sought photo with the Giants broadcast team. He came oh so close in 2009—if only those dang team officials hadn’t forced Kruk and Kuip off the platform in place of Daves Righetti and Roberts ten spots in line before Joe’s. Joe had nothing against the Daves, but they weren’t Kruk and Kuip.

Joe did not get his photo with Kruk and Kuip. Or with any other Giants. Or with any other human beings at all.

Joe wanted a picture with the 2010 World Series trophy, like almost everyone else in the Bay Area (and New York) seems to have. He wouldn’t have touched it or even breathed on it.

Joe did not get his photo with the trophy. Or even a glimpse of it. For Joe, it is equally as elusive as his target weight of 250 lbs.

Joe wanted free stuff. In the past, Joe has received free shirts, free gym bags, free keychains, and more at FanFest. (Not that I’m here to talk about the past.)

Joe got no free stuff, unless you count the views of the water and the Bay Bridge. You shouldn’t count that because last I checked they charged people to drive on the bridge, not to look at it.

Joe wanted to hear (and see) Gary Radnich, Fitz & Brooks, and the rest of the KNBR team interview his favorite Giants up close.

Joe saw none of his favorite Giants up close, or otherwise. Nor did he see any KNBR personalities. All he heard was a distant, staticy, drowned-out interview of Jeremy Affeldt by Radnich: “Jeremy, fans would the 18, no more cheese to be bounced?” “Well, Gary, sure shot like Greece, if only cancer will ballparks here.”

Joe wanted to ask the Giants’ personnel some very good questions during the Q&A portions.

Joe asked no one any questions except himself. “Why is that dude waiting for change after paying for four $5 hot dogs with a $20?” “How did that slob score a hottie like that?” “A tank top, jean shorts…and black tights?” “Did that chick reallytry to sell us raffle tickets when we don’t know if we’re even getting inside the stupid ballpark?

Why didn’t Joe’s wishes come to fruition?

Because the Giants won the World Series. About 50,000 folks washed up in McCovey Cove on their tidal wave of success—10 times the norm. Because the fire department cut off entry at 50K, Joe had to wait in line with about 1,000 other exiles for those inside to lose interest and split.

Mind you, this was at the back gate, the one nearest the McCovey statue. The front two gates near the Mays/Cepeda statues restricted about 3 times that many…EACH.

After 45 minutes of little progress, Joe’s back and legs began to ache, his neck slowly broiling under the mean sun. Fed up, Joe tapped out. No autographs, no photos, no Q&A’s, no free stuff, no proof Joe was ever even there except for his CalTrain day pass. (Good thing Joe used CalTrain and wasted only $20 as opposed to the $35 driving woulda cost.)

Forget the NFL—this lockout will go down as the year’s most disappointing.

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