Let the offseason games begin.
With only 2 games left in the 2011-2012 Cleveland Browns season, the Orange and Brown are destined for another top 5 pick in the draft maybe a little bit lower. This Christmas Eve the Browns are headed out to the awful city of Baltimore, home of the Ravens (sorry you bandwagon Ravens fans). Today marks the great Holiday known as Festivus, so get ready for the Airing of Grievances and the Feats of Strength, because being a Browns fan leaves you pretty upset every Sunday afternoon.
Airing of Grievances
Before I begin I remind you to get the pole out of the crawl space, because Festivus is part of your heritage.
Peyton Hillis- Will you just learn how to hold onto the football and stop being such a baby about your contract? Toughen up and take some advil for your strep throat.
Pat Shurmur- I love Shurmur as a coach, isn’t his fault about the record, but Pat must learn how to talk to the media. It’s like your scared about what they are going to write about you.
Greg Little- Hold onto the football already, I know it’s scary when James Harrison is coming for your head, but this team pays you to take those hits. Come on man.
Joe Flacco- I can’t stand your inconsistency, sometimes you look elite and other times you resemble Curtis Painter.
Ray Rice- Stop being so good, I find your small size very distracting because somehow you tear apart the Browns twice a year.
Ed Reed- Shave your beard, you look as if you’re trying to be a homeless man who plays professional football and seriously just retire already.
Terrell Suggs- Go play for another team where you are the star defensive player, Baltimore doesn’t need you. Cleveland does.
And Finally, the whole Cleveland Browns organization- I try to support as many things as I can, but we seem to blow every single opportunity. Lets change that this year and make sure team President Mike Holmgren and GM Tom Heckert start making the right decisions.
Feel free to comment your grievances on the bottom before you lose your train of thought…
Feats of Strength
I’d like to see Peyton Hillis take on Ray Rice on Saturday, I mean this is the only battle Cleveland might actually have a chance in.
So come on Cleveland let’s hope for a Festivus Miracle, beating the Old Browns would be something to cheer about.
Here are a few videos that might brighten the mood:
December 23rd is always a Festivus for the Rest of Us.
About the Author
Written by Corey Rioux
A wise man once told me, "Sports are modern-day mythology." I tend to disagree. Proper grammar is optional. You can read my columns here: http://www.prosportsblogging.com/author/c_rioux23/ You can follow me on twitter at: @CoreyRioux You can contact me via email at: email@example.com