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Chargers Lose to Broncos, San Diego Continues to Not Care

Posted By Taylor Smith On Jan 15 2014 @ 3:50 pm In San Diego Chargers | 1 Comment

(NOTE: Satire)


The San Diego Chargers’ magical run came to an end with their 24-17 defeat at the hands of the Denver Broncos in the second round of the playoffs. It was a surprising year for the Chargers, a team many thought coming into the year would be in the rebuilding stages under first-year head coach Mike McCoy. But, with help from some very good fortune down-the-stretch, San Diego was able to sneak into a Wild Card spot before upsetting the Cincinnati Bengals in the first round.

Following the team’s defeat in Denver, we interviewed some local San Diegans (San Diego-ans?) to find out how they’re dealing with the season’s end.

“Chargers, brah?” said Maximilian McSunset of La Jolla, while applying spray tan for no reason whatsoever. “Like, you need to zap your phone?”

McSunset’s glazed-over eyes said it all.

“Once the horse team scored that last touchball I knew we were, like, totally done for,” said Mary DiGiovanni of Mission Beach, while taking phone photos of her iced-triple-skinny-faux vanilla-latte from six different angles. “By the way, can I bum an e-cigarette from you?”

As you can tell, the city’s residents are devastated over this.

“Rivers is my favorite player, because his name tells me that he’s, like, totally in touch with nature,” Dana Weaver of La Mesa eloquently explains, while taking a rip and continuing to not shave her armpits. “Have you ever FELT SOUNDS, mannnn?”

As San Diego continues to reel in light of this awful time, citizens are having a tough time getting out and finding other things to do. Even the city’s surfing community is struggling to find the motivation to get back into the water. You know, because of the sports depression.

“Oh yeahhh, the Chargers!” exclaimed Chris Daniels of Coronado, as he stared directly into the sun. “They just won the World Series, right?”

It’ll be a long summer in this football-crazed town waiting for the 2014 season to kick-off.


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