10.) Anderson Silva vs. Chris Leben

When: Ultimate Fight Night 5, June 28, 2006

Outcome: KO (knee), 0:49 of Rnd 1

Drugs + punches = this

Chris Leben’s nickname is “The Crippler,” and it’s because his game plan during a fight usually consists of getting bludgeoned in the skull until his opponent can no longer lift his arms to defend himself. His face seems to be an unholy mix of raw meat and adamantium desensitized by years of substance abuse. If you took Wolverine’s superpower and applied it only to a person’s cranium and then made that person sniff glue for 20-odd years, Leben would be the byproduct.

At the time of this fight, Leben was 15-1 and looking like a legit contender. His roughneck style and impenetrable dome was a combo most fighters couldn’t overcome. Anderson Silva was fairly unknown and making his UFC debut, so nobody really knew how he would fair against a nigh invincible brawler like Leben, who even commented beforehand that “he would eat his shots” and Silva “wouldn’t know how to handle it.”

In retrospect, of course, this all seems hilarious.

The bell rang and, true to form, Leben waded into battle with his hands low and his chin held high, eagerly awaiting the sweet touch of Silva’s fists. Unbeknownst to just about everyone, Leben had just engaged the greatest striker in human history in a brawl, something that would surely end in his death.

Once upon a time, gramps got knocked the fuck out

In the 49 seconds it took for Silva to murder every brain cell in Leben’s head, he landed a barraging array of punches and kicks and knees that  Leben seemed to go out of his way to get hit by. He literally stood directly in front of a man who has never encountered an object he couldn’t punch a hole through, something that’s even braver than stupid. One day he’ll tell his grandchildren how he stood toe to toe with the greatest killing machine ever, absorbed 100% (100%!) of his strikes, and only came away with night terrors and an addiction to oxy-contin

9.) Fedor Emelianenko vs. Zuluzinho

When: PRIDE Shockwave, December 31, 2005

Outcome: Submission (punches), 0:26 of Rnd 1

Fedor fought a lot cans in his day, but Zulu was like the ridiculously oversized tub of Chef Boyardee you get at Costco. To say his fighting style resembled that of a beached whale is an insult to huge, immobile mammals everywhere.

Pictured: When table-topping became a martial art

Everyone knew how this fight was going to go; the PRIDE promoters just couldn’t help the urge to put the sport’s greatest heavyweight in the ring with somebody who looked like the creatures that destroy all their major cities. The fight started and Fedor cracked Zulu’s doughy head with a hook, and then – in a move I’ve never seen before or since – simply shoved his top heavy opponent to the mat.

Somehow, Zulu laboriously made his way back to his feet, staggering around the ring like a yeti that just got shot with a tranquilizer dart. Then Fedor shoved him down again. This time he made sure he didn’t get back up, raining down hammer fists until the ref mercifully ended the big game hunt.

This wasn’t so much a fight as it was a tutorial on what to do if Bigfoot ever attacked you, assuming Bigfoot had the motor skills of an intoxicated baby deer. Ironically, when Fedor would fight Antonio “Bigfoot” Silva in 2011, he wound up on the receiving end of his own lopsided thrashing, apparently forgetting the flawless survival skills he had demonstrated six years earlier.

8.) BJ Penn vs. Joe Stevenson

When: UFC 80, January 19, 2008

Outcome: Submission (rear naked choke), 4:02 of Rnd 2

Aloha, bitch

In a sport full of crazy nut jobs, BJ Penn has managed to subtly separate himself from the pack. I say subtly, because he’s not necessarily someone you immediately think of as a lunatic. He’s from Hawaii, so you know he’s got that whole soft spoken, laid back, Island paradise thing going on. And he has the physique that suggests he really likes licking the salt off all of his fruity tropical drinks.

You know what else he likes to lick? Blood.

When he fought Joe “Daddy” Stevenson for the interim title, it took all of five seconds before he took him to the ground and started punching him really hard. Penn is an Abu Dhabi jiu-jitsu world champion, so Stevenson had a better chance of a giant stork swooping into the arena and lifting him out of the ring by his trousers than escaping Penn’s top control.

This is not a sane man

A big elbow at the end of the first round sliced open Stevenson’s head, and that’s when things got weird. Penn proceeded to pound the blood out of the open wound until everything in the nearby vicinity was colored crimson red. All the reporters on press row had to get new computers because they didn’t splatter-proof their keyboard before the fight.

And then, in a crazy-eyed fit of ecstasy, Penn licked Stevenson’s blood off of his gloves. Seriously, just look at that madman. Now cancel your vacation to Maui and lock your bedroom door.

7.) Glover Teixeira vs. Fabio Maldonado

When: UFC 153, October 13, 2012

Outcome: TKO (doctor stoppage), 5:00 of Rnd 2

Easier to watch than this fight

There’s no being cute with this one. Glover Teixeira beat on poor Fabio Maldonado so badly that my eyes tried to escape from my face and hide behind the sofa. There hasn’t been a more gruesome fight in the UFC since Tim Sylvia crapped his pants.

Teixeira, famously, was trapped in Brazil for years due to Visa issues and was making his second appearance in the promotion against Maldonado, a fellow Brazilian. Apparently, he had a little pent up frustration due to being imprisoned in a jungle-filled hell hole for a half decade, and Maldonado was just the poor sap who served as his release therapy.

Definitely not a woman

For two rounds, Teixeira punched Maldonado so much that he legally left the cage a different person. It was like Maldonado decided he wanted a sex change and figured the cheapest way would be to have a large man beat on him until his penis fell off. All things considered, it was an absolute miracle that Maldonado not only had his penis intact after that thumping, but also all of his mental faculties. Despite his pleas to let the fight continue, the doctors were forced to wave it off in fear that if they didn’t stop Teixeira’s berserker rage when they had the chance he may wade into the crowd and start tossing people over his head like Thunderlips in “Rocky III”.

And so Maldonado left the ring that day with a loss, but with more balls than anyone in the history of mankind, and the highlights from this fight became archive footage that scientists show to werewolves in order to satiate their bloodlust.

6.) Johnny Bedford vs. Louis Gaudinot

When: TUF 14 Finale, December 3, 2011

Outcome: KO (knees to body), 1:58 of Rnd 3

Possibly a magical creature

Louis Gaudinot had the unfortunate problem of fighting in the UFC when his real weight class didn’t exist. He’s now a newly minted flyweight, but once there’s a 115-pound strawweight division he’ll probably drop down and fight there with the rest of the world’s real life pixies.

Gaudinot is tiny. And he has green hair, which I suppose is just him being self-aware of the fact that he has the dimensions of a leprechaun. He started training MMA when he was six years old and then promptly stopped growing. Needless to say, when he was forced to compete in the bantamweight division a couple years ago, it looked like that scene from “Fern Gully” when all the little fairies are trying to stop the giant tree-eating monster truck.

I was trying to watch "New Girl!"

His fight against Johnny Bedford looked exactly like every time a little brother has tried to take the remote from his older brother. He came at Bedford with courage and determination and Bedford stuck his hand out dismissively and knocked him to the floor. It’s a testament to Gaudinot’s fairy magic that he was able to survive two 10-8 rounds in which he got beaten on like Questlove’s snare drum. Bedford finally finished the fight with knees midway through the third, putting an end to a glorified match of boot vs. ant.

5.) Jon Jones vs. Shogun Rua

When: UFC 128, March 19, 2011

Outcome: TKO (punches and knees), 2:37 of Rnd 3

There probably hasn’t been a more dominant individual athlete in the world than Jon Jones the last few years. He’s like if Michael Phelps won eight gold medals by doggy paddling, and then drowned all his opponents.

Through 18 career fights the closest someone has come to beating him is when Vitor Belfort dry-humped his right arm for 30 seconds. This guy has made “Bones” the best nickname in MMA because when he elbows people in the face blood shoots out like the Buckingham Fountain.

This is the closest Shogun ever came to winning

But when they fought, Shogun was the one with the belt. He was also a former PRIDE champion notorious for soccer kicking downed opponents and stomping on their faces like a murderous Michael Flatley. Jones had been fighting decent opponents, but when the UFC asked him to step in on short notice and take on Shogun a lot of people thought he was too young and inexperienced, and his head too kickable.

They were all really, really wrong. Shogun has never had the best cardio, and when you throw in the long layoff he was getting over and a rangy, athletic phenom like Jones, you get slow and surgical beatdown.

This is one of the best examples of dominance in MMA history because Jones flashed every facet imaginable: He threw punches and kicks of all kinds. He worked the clinch with knees, he connected on sweeps and takedowns. He employed his signature, pointy ground and pound. Over three rounds he destroyed Shogun’s body and broke his will. It was incredible.

4.) Nick Diaz vs. Koji Oishi

When: UFC 53, Junes 4, 2005

Outcome: KO (punches), 1:24 of Rnd 1

This is assuredly the one fight that nobody remembers, but trust me, it deserves to be here. You know it’s a lopsided fight when at exactly 10 seconds in, Joe Rogan is already claiming it’s just a matter of time until Oishi gets knocked out. In fact, Rogan didn’t stop making fun of the strange little guy the entire length of the bout, which admittedly wasn’t very long.

Surprisingly, Diaz was unavailable for comment for this article

Apparently the Japanese fighter came in with the immeasurably dumb strategy of attempting to punch Diaz’s punches out of midair. This is the equivalent of trying to scream at high-caliber bullets in hopes they will get scared and fly back the way they came. That game-plan would have been a terrible idea against anyone, but — as with the case in the Leben vs. Silva fight — what makes it so funny is the opponent was absolutely perfect .

Nick Diaz is perhaps the best volume striker in MMA history. He punches with all the force of your arthritic grandmother holding up her winning bingo sheet, but he’s incredibly precise, doesn’t get tired, and hits people until they fold from the sheer accumulation of damage.

So let’s say, against all odds, Oishi was able to parry a few of Diaz’s Stockton slaps (not surprisingly he never blocked one), was he really going to be able to stop all 250-300?

Braaaaains

Apparently he thought so, which is why he now keeps his teeth in a bedside glass of water. Diaz started the fight by throwing some feeler jabs out there to gauge how Oishi would react, and when he realized that, “Holy shit, this guy is actually trying to punch my punches,” he unloaded the full arsenal and the fight was over almost immediately.

Chang Sung-Jung has recently made the “Zombie” moniker famous, but he fights like a hummingbird compared to this guy. Oishi stumbles around the ring with the blank, wide-eyed stare only seen on adorable puppies and the undead, and I know he’s not the first one, which can only mean that somewhere in Japan is an empty grave. And judging by his fighting, he’s just begging to be sent back.

3.) Anderson Silva vs. Forrest Griffin

When: UFC 101, August 8, 2009

Outcome: KO (punch), 3:23 of Rnd 1

Spoiler alert: Silva wins

Since beating the last few IQ points out of Chris Leben’s head, Anderson Silva had gone on to knee middleweight champ Rich Franklin’s face into a pancake-like surface barely resembling a human skull and then defend his title 7 consecutive times, swatting away challengers like the unworthy insects they were.

He was also very bored.

The missing link

In his previous two outings against Patrick Cote and Thales Leites, Silva did more dancing and gyrating in the octagon than punching or kicking. This was obviously bad news for Dana White and the UFC, who needed their star fighter to, you know, start fighting again.

That’s when Forrest Griffin entered someone’s mind and the UFC must have thought they were geniuses. Griffin was the former light heavyweight champion and, taking up Leben’s mantle, arguably the toughest guy in MMA. He was known for looking and fighting every bit like a big, hairy ape and having a heart the size of the Grinch’s after he decided he was totally down for some Who-people love. This guy had gotten the tar beat out of him by Shogun Rua and Stephan Bonnar and all it gave him was a boner.

Surely if anyone could give Silva a fight, it would be Griffin. Once again, Silva literally punched holes in that theory.

Nothing I can say would be funnier than what Griffin himself has said about the fight, so I’ll let him take it from here. In his own words:

To paraphrase Griffin, trying this is dumb as shit

“Every fight I go in to, no matter what happens, it couldn’t be worse than Anderson Silva. That shit was a year ago and people, every day, ask me something about that…I was very confused. And I tried to punch him and he literally moved his head out of the way and looked at me like I was stupid for doing it. He looked at me like, ‘why would you do such a stupid thing?’ He looked at me like, ‘oh did you really think you were going to hit me? What a stupid thing to think, you slow, slow white boy.’ And then he punched me. I felt embarrassed for even trying to punch him. I felt like some kid trying to wrestle with his dad.”

2.) Royce Gracie vs. Art Jimmerson

When: UFC 1, November 12 1993,

Outcome: Submission (punches), 2:18 of Rnd 1

It’s entirely impossible to conceptualize today, but back in 1993 at UFC 1 when this “fight” took place, Brazilian jiu-jitsu was the equivalent of black magic. Nobody had any idea what it was or what it did. Not the referees, not the announcers, and certainly not poor Art Jimmerson.

Art Jimmerson's only contribution to MMA

When the Golden Gloves boxer, who was comically only wearing one boxing glove for the fight, looked across the cage and saw skinny Royce Gracie wearing oversized pajamas, he must have felt pretty good. As long as this fight was on the feet, Gracie was toast.

Of course, Gracie took the clueless boxer down in about a minute, and when Jimmerson hit the mat he was so confused by his surroundings he might as well been laying in a pool of Boba Fett’s urine on Tatooine. The ground was such a foreign place to him that customs agents stormed the arena in search of his passport.

Ahh, the floor is lava!

Naturally, Jimmerson had never trained any sort of grappling or wrestling a day in his life and had no idea how to get back to his feet. Before Gracie could even think about slapping on a submission, Jimmerson gave up.

It’s the only time, to my knowledge, a fighter has tapped out due to position. Way to go Art. Maybe wearing two boxing gloves would have helped you fend off the evil floor with greater success.

1.) Anderson Silva vs. Stephan Bonnar

When: UFC 153, October 13, 2012

Outcome: TKO (knee to the body and punches), 4:40 of Rnd 1

There are three reasons why this is the most lopsided fight in MMA history.

One: Going in, people expected it to be an absolute beating and yet everyone was still amazed at how one-sided it was. Two: Stephan Bonnar is naturally a weight class above Silva and he tested positive for steroids after the fight. Three: Silva tried for roughly three seconds and still managed to knockout Bonnar out in spectacular fashion.

Anderson Silva, luring people into a false sense of hope since 2006

This was such a goofy fight that I don’t even know how to form coherent sentences about it. It was sort of like Silva vs. Griffin, only if Silva decided to literally stand in one spot the whole time and not throw a single punch. Two athletes competing professionally shouldn’t be this far apart in skill level. It looked like Randy Johnson throwing 100 mile-an-hour heaters to a blind kid.

Silva’s strategy in this fight seemed to be embarrassing Bonnar until he peed himself and ran out of the cage with his arms flopping around. I am not exaggerating when I say that Silva stood in the exact same spot and let Bonnar try to hit him for almost a whole round. And when Bonnar realizes his punches couldn’t harm the egg head of this immortal standing before him, he attempted a spinning back kick, which Silva simply sidestepped. Then he casually moved back into the same spot he was just standing.

I don’t know what was going through Bonnar’s mind during this sequence but if it was anything other than “I’m fucked”, he’s the most confident man in the world.

Chris Weidman, grab that ballpoint and stab with all your might

Towards the end of the round, Bonnar tripped and stumbled back across the cage. Silva, who seemed content to string this thing on as long as possible, simply couldn’t ignore his killer instinct any longer. As Bonnar bounced off the fence, Silva bounded after him and delivered a soul crushing knee to his sternum. Bonnar crumpled into a pathetic heap of broken bones and tears as Silva nonchalantly hovered over him and delivered a few more punches before the ref waved it off.

In the end, the fight only reaffirmed what Chris Leben, Forrest Griffin, and to a lesser extent, Rich Franklin and James Irvin, taught us: if Dana White comes to you with a contract to fight Anderson Silva and tells you to sign it, you politely tell him to fuck off and then stab him in the neck with his pen.

After Anderson Silva, the talent in the middleweight division is, for lack of a better word, middling.

That’s not to say that the likes of Michael Bisping, Brian Stan, Chris Weidman, Tim Boetsch and Alan Belcher aren’t talented guys. In fact, the division – which historically has been one of the weakest in the UFC – might be the most stacked it’s ever been. It’s just that when look at those five names and there’s not much separating them. At this point, the most effective way of picking the top contender is drawing names out of a hat.

I get that Weidman, the 9-0 All-American wrestler who demolished “top contender” Mark Munoz (I use that term extremely loosely for a guy who’s best win is a decision over division defector Demian Maia), is on a roll and looks like a challenge to Silva, but I’m not buying that fight yet. MMA shouldn’t have a lot of politics involved, but if anyone has earned the right to choose who they fight it’s Silva. And yeah, Weidman might be technically ready to challenge him, but when he says he’s not a big enough yet you can’t deny the logic. Silva just fought walking catchphrase Chael Sonnen in the biggest fight in UFC history, and he’s also a 37 year old legend at the pinnacle of his fame, yet probably nearing the end of his physical prime who wants to take huge money fights. Any way you slice it, the Weidman fight doesn’t make a whole lot of sense right now.

So where does that leave Weidman and the other four misfits? The realistic answer to that question is who knows? Because it certainly doesn’t seem like Dana White or Joe Silva have the slightest clue on how to sort this mess out. Let’s try to make sense of it:

Bisping and Stann fight in a couple weeks at UFC 152, in a clash that seems like it has title implications on the surface, but does it? Stann is coming off a dominant win over the unspectacular Alessio Sakara and has never really beaten a top-5 middleweight. I can’t see a win over Bisping, who has been bordering on contender status for what seems like millennia but doesn’t really have a signature win himself, vault him into a title shot – presumably after the Silva vs. Georges St-Pierre superfight that’s shaping up? I say no. He’d be at least another big win away.

As for Bisping, he at least has name recognition and bona fide superstardom in Britain going for him. He’s beaten a laundry list of good fighters, but has lost every important fight he’s even been in. Would beating Stann finally get him that elusive title shot? Again, I’d say no, especially with Weidman out there. So perhaps the Bisping/Stann winner gets Weidman in a number one contender battle with Silva as the prize. OK, that wasn’t so complicated.

Wait a second. Where does that leave Boetsch and Belcher?

Oh yes, those two. The wrench in the plan. As much as the UFC probably wants to forget the generic and totally unmarketable Boetsch doesn’t exist, the bottom line is he’s 4-0 at middleweight and has defeated Yushin Okami (a former title contender himself) and Hector Lombard (one of the most hyped fighters ever) in back-to-back fights. Yes, he’s doughy and boring and most people can’t spell his name right, but generally speaking, his record says he has just as much right as Weidman does to fight Silva.

Belcher is in nearly the same place as Boetsch, except he’s younger and more exciting to watch and has been calling out Weidman, Vitor Belfort and pretty much anyone else that weighs 185. He’s also riding a four fight win streak, defeating the dangerous and irrational Rousimar Palhares in his last bout. Belcher was actually supposed to take on Belfort next, in a fight of undetermined importance, but Belfort was pulled to take on Jon Jones later in the month.

OK, so what’s next for everyone? If my math is correct, it looks like there’s one too many fighters to hold a little mini-tournament for number one contender-ship, which means someone is getting screwed.

If I know the UFC, and White is usually sort of predictable (money talks after all), the winner of Bisping and Stann will take on Weidman for a shot at Silva. Weidman has been hyped up too much at this point to be anything more than one fight away from a title shot, and if Bisping wins (and I think he will), he won’t shut up until he gets Silva or Weidman next. Which means Boetsch and Belcher –two guys who, in an unbiased world where image and hype don’t exist, are on nearly equal footing with the rest – are probably going to face each other in a fight that is important but also means little in the grand scheme of things.

Then again, who knows really? This division is impossibly middlesome. I mean meddlesome

Dana White would never tell you with a straight face, but canceling UFC 151 might have been a good thing.

Hypothetically, let’s say that the event went off as planned. We get to see Jon Jones, a young, talented angel of death who whips jagged elbows at faces like a Shaolin monk throws a ninja star. OK, that’s always fun to watch. And we get to see him face the immortal Dan Henderson, a guy who has been crushing skulls with his right fist since TVs were black and white. That’s also pretty sweet.

After that, we would have gotten to see Jake Ellenberger face a guy who hasn’t fought in the UFC for six years. And two middling featherweights. And that guy who once wore a Speedo in the ring. And, well there’s, hmmm.

That’s not much bang for your buck. By all accounts, White threw a card together on a wing and prayer and hoped that his main event was strong enough to carry him to pay-per-view paradise. And it probably was. But that doesn’t change the fact that paying 60 bucks for one great fight and four that should have been relegated to the despondent depths of the undercard is a complete scam.

UFC 151 was not a great card. Neither was 150. Or UFC 149. Sure, there’s no debating that those two latter cards delivered some exciting fights, and if UFC 151 had survived there would have been a few brawls that nobody was expecting. That’s how MMA works.

But it also revolves around the mega stars, and those guys have been suspiciously scarce lately.

Part of the problem is that nasty injury bug that’s been downing fighters for over a year. Another part, the bigger part, is that the UFC brand has been oversaturated in its relentless attempt to expand. On paper, fights ever weekend sounds great. But when the cards are watered down by no-names and also-rans, the fans suffer. And we deserve better.

Just look at the monster card that’s coming together in the wake of UFC 151’s cancelation: Jones vs. Vitor Belfort, Joseph Benavidez vs. Demetrious Johnson for the flyweight championship, and Michael Bisping vs. Brian Stann in a battle that has major title implications.

Now that’s more like it.

Instead of having one solid card and one pretty awful one in a three week span, the UFC has been forced to merge the two into what is looking like the most stacked lineup of the year so far. Marketing and PR disasters notwithstanding, the destruction of UFC 151, in a roundabout way, was one of the best things to happen to the UFC in a long time.

Besides the obvious draw of simply having lots of big names and talent on the card as a major selling point, what fan isn’t going to want to see Jones’ next fight? He’s transformed himself into such a villainous pariah that, along with his breathtaking ability to destroy eye sockets, he’s impossible not to watch at this point.

Yes, the UFC 151 debacle was a dark day in MMA, but in three weeks everything will have worked out fine, and in the long run, even better.

Chael Sonnen once boldly stated that he had the biggest arms in West Linn, Oregon. To be sure, his biceps are rather impressive, a set of thick pythons jutting out prominently from his body, ready to grasp onto something and squeeze it half to death. Whether they are the largest in all of West Linn is obviously debatable.

What is not, however, is that Sonnen has the biggest mouth.

After a 2010 win over Nate Marquardt cemented Sonnen’s position as the world’s number one middleweight contender, he opened his mouth, which apparently had been in hibernation conserving energy for the previous 33 years. He literally hasn’t shut up since.

At first, Sonnen’s incessant jabbering was an outlandish sideshow that teetered between insanity and masochism – after all, his verbal lashings were directed towards Anderson Silva, the pound for pound king of MMA who was surely going to inflict massive amount of pain on Sonnen for all the name calling. At least that’s what every reasonable person assumed.

But if there’s one thing we should know about Chael Sonnen, it’s that reason is overrated.

The career journeyman said he was going to beat up Silva, a man who for so long had danced circles around opponent’s fists, and he emphatically delivered. Silva, the wispy, fluttering specter that he is, was for the first time ever planted firmly in one place and pummeled relentlessly.

Of course, Silva still won. But even the most rabid of Silva fans had to gain a new level of respect for the man who talked more talk than anyone ever had, and then walked further with the sport’s greatest fighter than probably anyone ever will.

Fast forward three years and Sonnen is talking. This time the victim of his vitriol is the enigmatic Jon Jones, a lanky, pointy wunderkind that has been, so far in his career, more executioner than fighter. And when Dan Henderson tore his MCL and Dana White started scouring the earth for a brave soul to sacrifice to Jonny Bones on eight days notice, everyone ducked for cover.

Everyone but Sonnen. And the masses loved him for it.

It appears that with this final gesture made of equal parts generosity and bravado, Sonnen has taken that final step into genuine superstardom. 

With many of MMA’s most iconic and bankable stars – guys like Randy Couture, Chuck Liddell, Matt Hughes, Wanderlei Silva, Rampage Jackson and BJ Penn – either recently retired or circling the drain, Jones taking a massive hit to his popularity, and other fighters like Silva and Georges St-Pierre being foreign imports with heavy accents and limited concepts of English, the UFC is in desperate need of a poster boy. Sonnen may have just filled the position overnight.

From a fan’s perspective, there’s much to like about Sonnen. Inside the ring he’s a tenacious and fearless fighter, pouring over his opponents like wet cement until they either give up or the final bell tolls. It’s not the most aesthetically pleasing of styles, but it’s a form of combat that the everyman can relate to. He’s a grinder, a man who lacks the grace of Anderson Silva and the talent of Jon Jones, but still finds ways to win. Sure, he’s 27-12 and may never win a major title, but there’s something to be said for a fighter who is willing to sacrifice his body and his record in hopes of one day procuring an elusive championship belt.

So, yes, as a standalone fighter, Sonnen is still something to behold. But everyone knows it’s on the mic where he separates himself from not only the rest of MMA, but the rest of the planet.

Saying that Sonnen knows how to talk is like saying Rambo was good at hide-and-go-seek. He has a mouth that flaps unflappably, deftly spewing all sort of venomous proclamations like, “I’m the greatest icon this sport has ever known,” and “Getting a black belt from the Nogueira brothers is like saying you got a toy in your Happy Meal.” Most of what he says is complete rubbish, yet he delivers it to your eardrums with such conviction you want to believe every word.

But the reason that Sonnen has begun to truly endear himself to fans is that, as fun and outrageous as most his comments are, he also possesses a thoughtful and reflective side at times. After his second loss to Silva he was congratulatory and deeply contrite, proving that he is equal parts human and monster – a combination that anyone can get behind.

The last three years for Sonnen have been a whirlwind. He’s been a villain, a hype machine, a boaster, a liar, a bully, and most recently, he’s been a hero.

If he keeps it up, UFC golden boy might very well be his next nickname

Jon Jones has been the first fighter to do a lot of things. This is one accomplishment he’s going to want to forget.

For the first time in history, president Dana White has canceled an entire UFC event. Dan Henderson has suffered a partially torn MCL, succumbing to the relentless injury bug that has plagued the UFC for over a year now, and was lifted from his main event battle with Jones. Apparently only one fighter stepped in to accept the fight – none other than Chael Sonnen – but the champion, with advice from trainer Greg Jackson, decided to decline.

So with no main event, White was forced to cancel UFC 151.

Jones will, and should, take much of the blame for this dark day in MMA. White was noticeably disgusted at Jones and Jackson during the press conference, saying that Jackson is “killing the sport,” which is a notion that alludes not only to this particular instance, but also to his tactical, somewhat reserved, game plans during fights. In reference to Jones, White called it a “selfish, disgusting decision,” which are incredibly harsh words for the guy who is shaping up to be the long-term face of the UFC brand.

But part of the blame for this debacle needs to be placed squarely on White. In his attempt to rapidly expand, he’s simply stretched the UFC roster too thin. With fights occurring nearly every weekend, the pool of fighters he can draw from when injuries occur isn’t deep enough to sustain the high quality of fights that fans have come to expect. If Shogun Rua and Lyoto Machida had not just fought a couple weeks ago, one of them could have easily stepped in to fight. Although it’s possible Jones would have declined to fight them as well.

This card was also completely carried by the star power of Jones, and losing him did irreparable damage. In some cases when the main event is scrapped, the other fights are good enough that White can simply bump them up the fight card and the event barely skips a beat. UFC 151’s co-main event was Jake Ellenberger vs. Jay Hieron, a fight that people wouldn’t be interested in if it was on free TV.

So there are a lot of factors that have led to one of the worst moments in UFC history. The only guy in this whole mess who comes out sparkling clean is, Sonnen, who surely deserves praise for accepting a fight with a monstrous young talent like Jones on just eight days notice.

White has stated that with Henderson recovering from the MCL tear, Jones will now fight Machida at 152 on September 22.

Ronda Rousey’s existence so far has been fairly paradoxical. For starters, she’s a girl and she fights for a living, which goes against every innate genetic disposition Homo sapiens have had since our ancestors were knuckle dragging hunter-gatherers. She also has achieved an almost incomparable level of mainstream success, appearing on magazine covers and late night talk shows. The problem? She hasn’t exactly deserved it.

A couple writers at this site have apparently been vigorously charmed by Rousey, since they can’t stop penning stories about how glorious she is. It’s fine. Everyone’s entitled to their opinions. But when top media members are claiming someone with five career fights is “the face of the UFC” or “bigger than Jon Jones,” it becomes apparent that a deeper look into the intricacies of the matter must be taken in order to maintain a certain level of moral integrity.

For starters, let’s lay out the facts.

Rousey, by almost all accounts, is a very attractive human being. She is perhaps not as naturally beautiful as former MMA fighter Gina Carano, who looks like she was spewed directly out of a supermodel generator, but she is still significantly prettier and exceptionally more toned than the average woman. This much is apparent if you’ve seen her pictures in ESPN’s recent “Body Issue,” where she jumps around in the buff like a pixie surrounded by a whimsical haze and neon strobe lights.

But Rousey is more than just six-pack abs in a sports bra. She happens to be a fairly talented fighter as well, and the current Strikeforce 135 pound champion. Her overall skills are still somewhat of a great mystery, but we do know that her grappling is world class and her knack for putting opponents in armbars is remarkably uncanny. But, unquestionably, Rousey’s brightest quality as a person is her magnetic personality. For the first time in the history of women’s MMA there is a fighter who perfectly treads the line between feminine and masculine, a bubbly, smiley beauty who isn’t afraid to talk smack or beat up groups of guys at movie theaters.

And so it’s the holy trinity of looks, talent and personality that has so enraptured some fans and media members. It’s easy to see why people think so highly of her, but the question of if she’s deserving of the praise still lingers heavily.

Of course, it’s not uncommon to see athletes rise and fall with rapid succession in an age when reporters stalk celebrities like a pack of ravenous velociraptors. Just look at Tim Tebow or Jeremy Lin to see examples of superstars who rose to prominence because of their looks, background story and personalities and who are sustained by the living, breathing entity that is hype. It’s not entirely true that Tebow and Lin are untalented buffoons, but their level of stardom has far exceeded their athletic accomplishments at this point. So, no, Rousey definitely isn’t alone when it comes to reputation significantly overshadowing the actual person. But Tebow and Lin also don’t fight for a living. You know who did? Brock Lesnar.

Ah, yes. Him. Literally the 800 pound gorilla in the room. He’s perhaps the only person you can compare to Rousey, which is both a gift and curse. Lesnar, the snarling, drooling, physical embodiment of retribution that he is, was the biggest star that MMA has ever seen. His headlining act at UFC 100 remains the most successful pay-per-view show in UFC history, and he’s without a doubt the only fighter to have truly entered the consciousness of mainstream media. But he’s also the sport’s biggest enigma, a one-trick pony that was handed a title shot after three professional fights and vanished after only eight. Like Rousey, Lesnar is a paradox, a man who is probably the most overrated and underrated MMA fighter in history, and a person’s whose superstardom ran so far ahead of his physical talents he could never hope to catch up.

So when you think of Rousey and get caught up in the smile and glutes and engaging stories, remember Lesnar. Remember that MMA is a sport that has the world’s fastest turnover rate and that career’s end in one punch.

Right now she’s the flavor of the month, to be sure, but preemptively calling her the “face of the UFC” before she’s even defended her title, and more importantly, before she’s even in the UFC, is a serious miscalculation, especially when she could lose to Sarah Kaufman Saturday night and disappear into a puff of smoke.

Benson Henderson defeats Frankie Edgar (unanimous decision)

What Happened: For the second time in a row Henderson won a decision by a margin smaller than those toothpicks he likes to chomp on. It was by no means a chaotic bloodbath or bombastic war, but the fight was exciting in the way it’s always interesting to see two masters, no matter the sport or context, go head to head. Smooth and the Answer are both amazing technicians, and most of the fight, as expected, was traversed in the middle of the ring as the two traded sharp jabs and leg kicks. The action was almost annoyingly evenly distributed, leading to the inevitably controversial split decision that Henderson won. Many presumed beforehand that whichever fighter landed the most significant and damaging strikes would come out on top, but this curiously wasn’t the case. There were two rounds, the second and the fifth, that clearly went in one fighter’s favor, and that was Edgar, who landed the most potent punch of the fight in round two that floored Bendo, and then simply outpaced the champ in the final stanza with a flurry of jabs and hooks. Those two rounds were the only certainties in a battle that was basically a violent Rubik’s cube, which meant for Henderson to be awarded the win the judges would have to give him the edge in the other three rounds that were closer than Siamese twins. Amazingly, that’s exactly what happened, and though it’s an unfortunate circumstance for Edgar, it’s hard to particularly blame them. Henderson, with his enormous size advantage over the spritely Edgar, commanded the center of the octagon and appeared to win most of the exchanges. Bendo wasn’t greeted with much enthusiasm after the win, as most fans and media pundits seem to have decided there was a royal robbery in Denver on Saturday, but at least this adds a sense of clarity to the lightweight landscape and we can all move on from the rematches galore that have made the division play out as a real life Groundhog Day the last few years.

What’s Next for Henderson:  Despite his nickname being Smooth, things haven’t exactly gone that way for Henderson in his two title fights. Both of his wins were met with extreme levels of controversy and many fans have gravitated towards Edgar in his losses instead of supporting the new champ. That’s a tough break, especially for a fighter as good and exciting as Henderson. It’s not exactly his fault that both fights were thisclose and it’s most definitely not his fault the judges decided he won both of them. Another issue is that, in terms of fight outcomes, he’s entering GSP territory, which is a bleak and boring place to be. Since entering the UFC last year he’s 5-0 with five decision victories, but, in general, the fights have all been fairly entertaining. Still, it’s hard for a champ to gain that magical aura of dominance when all his wins are handed to him by judges. Luckily, the Diaz brothers rarely let anybody decide anything, and Henderson gets to fight one of them. Here’s to hoping Nate can bring back the whirling dervish version of Bendo that once submitted Donald Cerrone and Jamie Varner in back to back fights. Henderson fights Nate Diaz sometime next year  

What’s Next for Edgar: A diet. It’s no secret that Edgar is an extremely small lightweight, especially if you’ve seen his face after one of his fights. His opponents often treat his facial features like Mr. Potatohead accessories, rearranging his extremities with violent disregard. It’s probably true that Edgar simply has one of those faces, sort of the anti Dan Henderson. It’s also true that he wouldn’t have to go see the plastic surgeon after every fight if he moved down to featherweight, a land where most people walk around at more his eye level and punch like cotton balls are stuffed in their gloves.  The media and UFC president have been begging him to drop down in weight for a while now, and maybe now that he’s likely several fights away from another title shot at 155, he’ll heed their advice. A change of scenery sounds like a good idea for Edgar. But you know what sounds like a really bad one? A clash with featherweight kingpin Jose Aldo. Edgar takes on Jose Aldo in a featherweight superfight.

Donald Cerrone defeats Melvin Guillard (KO)

What Happened: In what was the shortest Fight of the Night winner you’ll ever see, Cowboy Cerrone battled back from a scary, hazy place to knock out Guillard in round one. Guillard, the Young Assassin who’s not quite so young anymore, had Cerrone hanging on by the slimmest of threads after a monster right hand. But trying to knock out Cerrone is like trying to domesticate Bigfoot. Cowboy hung on, regained his senses, and then decided his next course of action would be attempting to punt Guillard’s head into the first row. His high kick smashed against Guillard’s temple with such force that the Young Assassin quickly forgot the concept of balance as he staggered limp-legged around the ring. It only took one more punch for Cerrone to put Guillard completely out, but it will take decades for him to regenerate all the lost brain cells. It was the most exciting four minutes you could feasibly ever hope to witness.

What’s Next for Cerrone: This one’s easy. Cerrone has been actively calling out fellow WEC alum Anthony Pettis, who conversely was the last WEC champ and the last man to beat Benson Henderson. You might remember him better has the man who ruled Youtube for a day after leaping off the cage like a Quentin Tarantino daydream and putting his foot firmly in Henderson’s jaw, which had dropped from the impossible feat that was transpiring before him. Pettis has been promised a couple of title shots by the UFC, which he obviously hasn’t gotten yet, but this is clearly a number one contender bout. Raise your hand if you think this fight will be boring. Cerrone fights Anthony Pettis in a number one contender bout on a FOX show.

What’s Next for Guillard:  It’s pretty clear at this point that Guillard is one of the most inconsistent fighter’s in MMA. And not even inconsistent from year to year or fight to fight; he goes from incredible to terrible within the same round. Saturday was Guillard’s whole existence in a tight four minute span. He flashed that manic, chaotic power – power that no one at lightweight should be allowed to possess – when he nearly knocked out Cerrone with one punch. Then, as it always does, his brain got in the way. Seemingly lured into a false sense that this fight was already over, he forgot that Cerrone still had every right to hit him back. Which he did. A few seconds later and Guillard was left wondering what the heck went wrong. We all were, and it’s becoming a maddening routine with him. Some will suggest that Guillard is a flawed fighter or that maybe he’s simply not that good. But physically, he’s the absolute prototype of what a lightweight champ should look like, and skill wise he’s not far behind, though his ground game is rather dodgy. No, Guillard has the tools to fight for the belt one day, he just needs to stop getting in his own way. Guillard fights Jamie Varner in a bout drenched with vengeance.

What: UFC 151, Henderson vs. Edgar II

 Breakdown: At 5-foot-6 and a smidge below 155 pounds, the biggest part of Edgar’s body is his heart. He’s talented, sure; he flutters around the ring like a hummingbird, using his crisp boxing and relentless wrestling to overwhelm opponents. But make no mistake about it, Edgar’s will to win is the catalyst for what has been one of the most successful lightweight careers in MMA history. People said he couldn’t dethrone longtime champ BJ Penn, a man who once reigned as king at welterweight and is such a maniacal madman he licked Joe Stevenson’s blood off his own gloves. Edgar beat him twice. People doubted that the wispy Edgar could defend his title against Gray Maynard, a physical monstrosity who had already previously defeated him. Edgar survived a brutal beating in the opening round and knocked him out. Unfortunately, Edgar’s magic finally fizzled against Benson Henderson, who on top of being as well-rounded and persistent as Edgar, is also much bigger. The first fight was close, so close that many argued it could have easily gone in Edgar’s favor. But that’s hearsay. Henderson controlled the action the majority of the fight and landed the more significant strikes, including an up-kick that jettisoned skyward like a bottle rocket and sent pieces of Edgar’s jaw into the back of his cranium. Yes, it was close, but it was still a fight that tilted clearly in Bendo’s favor.

The second time around it’s hard to see how the outcome could be anything but the same. The problem is that Edgar is already at a massive disadvantage before the first punch is even thrown, appearing at least one weight class smaller than Henderson. That hasn’t permitted Edgar from finding victory in the past, but here he’s colliding with a man who, like Edgar, is apparently powered by a nuclear reactor. Without that edge in cardio and bravery that Edgar usually has, he’s negated to merely a well-rounded mortal. This fight will likely be dead even for most of the way and will come down to whoever lands the most damaging shots in key exchanges, like Henderson did with that up-kick. In a game of inches like MMA sometimes that boils down to sheer luck, which is why someone like Edgar, who is always game and consistently gives himself chances, can never be counted out. Edgar doesn’t have one punch knockout power, but as he showed against Maynard, his strikes can pour on top of you like wet cement until you crumble under the increasing burden. But again, he’s facing a steep uphill climb against Smooth, whose striking and wrestling is just as solid and who doesn’t have a face that bleeds like a corn syrup drenched action star. Edgar’s facial makeup isn’t conducive to taking severe punishment, which he does every time he fights, while Smooth claims he’s never even suffered a black eye before. This isn’t an unwinnable war for Edgar, but he’s simply facing too many disadvantages to realistically like his chances. I don’t think, at least this time, the Answer is going to have one for Smooth.

Prediction: Benson Henderson by submission, Round 4.

 Jones signs landmark deal with Nike

Yes, Anderson Silva was technically the first mixed martial artist to get a sponsorship from the world’s largest sports apparel company, but Jones is the first to do it on a global scale. Silva’s deal is only in Brazil, which means we won’t be seeing any personalized Spider gym shoes popping up at Dick’s anytime soon. But with Jones, the possibilities are endless. He’s gonna get the royal treatment; his own clothing line, big commercial spots and a logo with him elbowing Brandon Vera in the eye socket. OK, maybe not that last one. But needless to say this is massive, colossal deal for MMA fans, and it could represent the first step towards making Jones the UFC’s first true mainstream star.

White axes Henderson/Edgar III

It doesn’t matter what that outcome of the fast approaching Benson Henderson and Frankie Edgar rematch is, they won’t be meeting again for a trilogy. The lightweight division, arguably the UFC’s deepest, has been frozen in time by immediate rematches the past few years and UFC president Dan White has apparently had enough of the deja vu. Of course, this is great news. We get to see fresh new faces like Anthony Pettis and Donald Cerrone get a crack at the belt, and maybe if we’re lucky, we’ll get to watch Nate Diaz give Henderson the finger in a championship bout.

Koscheck, MacDonald out

Top welterweights Josh Koscheck and Rory MacDonald have been knocked out of upcoming bouts due to injury, fueling the defiling injury plague that’s been corrupting the UFC over the past few months. Koscheck was supposed to take on Jake Ellenberger at UFC 151, but he’ll be replaced by veteran Hay Hieron. MacDonald, one of MMA’s best prospects, suffered a gruesome cut over his eye in training all won’t be medically cleared to fight BJ Penn at UFC 152. The UFC has not announced a replacement for Ares, but for Penn’s sake let’s pray it isn’t the Ghost of Sparta.